Sometimes, Listening is the Answer

Instagram: @RUOKDay 

Shoutout to my former self for not admitting that I wasn't happy when only two of my friends asked me if I was. Damn, I was foolish back then. I really tried to convince myself that I was but couldn't bring myself to be honest.

However over the years, I have made attempts to a few people to tell them I was struggling. Some responses were straight up invalidation and dismissed my struggles (even before giving me a chance to speak).

But what really upsetted me the most was when a few other people I tried to reach out to simply suggested to "just go get a boyfriend", "get a rich husband and you won't have to worry about anything" or "get a boyfriend so you can stand there and look pretty." I kid you not, people have said that to me. It's an absolute cop out!

I know love makes the world go round but I can assure you, this is NOT the solution to your struggles. Even for someone like me who wasn't in a healthy mind space knew that.

It's been ingrained in us since at a young age that having a romantic partner is the ultimate goal and is a success indicator. Seeking a relationship to validate your worthiness while you have low self-esteem and no sense of self awareness is not the way to go. Giving someone else the responsibility to make you feel happy and secure cause you're insecure by yourself and fear being alone is pretty selfish. Defining yourself via your relationship status will lead to unnecessary problems.

Love yourself first. Self awareness is most important. We weren't taught this growing up. It's no wonder people become co-dependent and fall into toxic relationships. This applies to both genders. It's time to unlearn the whole romantic fantasy idea of being in love and empower more self love and emotional intelligence. It's absolutely crucial regardless of being in a relationship or not.

Anyways, if someone is reaching out and admitting they're struggling, most of the time, they just want you to give them a safe space for them to talk and for you to listen without judgement. No need to find a solution right away. It really is that simple.

If you or anyone you know needs help. The following support services are available. Contact: 

• Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14
• Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800
• Mens Line Australia on 1300 789 978
• Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
• Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36
• Headspace on 1800 650 890
• Reachout Australia at au.reachout.com

IF IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, DIAL 000

Lots o' Love, Linda

Tired of being strong, please let me be weak for a minute

Instagram: @beyondblueofficial 

When I recently opened up to two separate key people in my life about my depression, both never saw it coming nor had any suspicions. For some reason, I didn't think I was disguising it THAT well. I guess it was cause for the most part, I continued to get dressed, go to work, put on makeup, eat regularly, leave the house, go to places, keep in touch with loved ones but at the same time, my mind was deadass disordered. Most of my symptoms appeared behind closed doors away from the world to see.

And then it starts showing up externally. My performance was slipping but it was mistaken as laziness. My lack of communication and socialising was mistaken for being busy. Just goes to show how prevalent high functioning depression is and how easily it is to overlook possible warning signs, cause for the most part, it's harder to detect.

Those who are dealing with high functioning depression usually look like they have it all together on the surface. They carry on with work, socialise and get things done but mentally, they're struggling, big time. Eg: celebrities.

Allow this to prompt you to check in with all your loved ones (yourself included)! Don't wait till R U OK? Day 12 September 2019 to start a conversation! And most importantly, listen. 

And definitely see your doctor. I've learned more about myself and mental health since the start of my healing journey with a professional than a few YouTube videos from influencers with 1 million followers sharing their experiences and suggestions, cause our life experiences and how we respond to things are all different. And don't forget, depression ain't the only mental health disorder!

If you or anyone you know needs help. The following support services are available. Contact: 

• Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14
• Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800
• Mens Line Australia on 1300 789 978
• Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
• Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36
• Headspace on 1800 650 890
• Reachout Australia at au.reachout.com

IF IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, DIAL 000

Lots o' Love, Linda

Swallowing My Pride

Mindframe 

So in late Feb/early March, with a little push from my bro, I finally decided to swallow my pride to seek professional help about my mental health. I've been struggling for some time now (4+ yrs) and even though I recognised the signs of mental health risk, I forced myself to suffer in silence and battle my inner demons alone.

I'm very well aware that I'm not the only one who has problems nor do I think I have it the worst, but the stigma around mental illness was and still is very strong. No matter how much my mental health was out of whack, I completely underestimated its effects of leaving it unaddressed or untreated.

My past attempts of reaching out to "friends" about it all backfired cause they trivialised how I felt or what I was going through, even before giving me a chance to speak. Been told things like: 

"you're not the only one who has problems",

"if you think you're the only one who has problems then all the best in life to you", and

"if you hear about my problems or what I've been going through, then you will realise that your problems aren't so bad." 

Even toxic positivity thoughts like "just think positive" is damaging. Because of these responses, I was reluctant to open up and then eventually led myself to a depressive disorder.

I really wish I was one of those mentally stable and strong people who can overcome depression or mental health issues without professional help, but I'm not one of them.

My biggest regret is not seeking help a lot earlier. I also regret not continuing my counselling sessions at the age of 17 when I had a sudden breakdown. When I saw people in my grade literally laughing at the idea of counselling, it prevented me from speaking to the counsellor again. Would've made a huge difference to my first few years post-highschool.

If and when you're struggling, please speak to someone you trust. If you can't, I highly encourage you to speak to your GP. You also don't need a "valid" reason or apparent justification like experiencing a tragic or traumatising event. Nor do you need to be in really bad circumstances. Nor do you need to be at crisis point. It doesn't have to make sense.

Lots o' Love, Linda