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| Instagram: @RUOKDay |
Shoutout to my former self for not admitting that I wasn't happy when only two of my friends asked me if I was. Damn, I was foolish back then. I really tried to convince myself that I was but couldn't bring myself to be honest.
However over the years, I have made attempts to a few people to tell them I was struggling. Some responses were straight up invalidation and dismissed my struggles (even before giving me a chance to speak).
But what really upsetted me the most was when a few other people I tried to reach out to simply suggested to "just go get a boyfriend", "get a rich husband and you won't have to worry about anything" or "get a boyfriend so you can stand there and look pretty." I kid you not, people have said that to me. It's an absolute cop out!
I know love makes the world go round but I can assure you, this is NOT the solution to your struggles. Even for someone like me who wasn't in a healthy mind space knew that.
It's been ingrained in us since at a young age that having a romantic partner is the ultimate goal and is a success indicator. Seeking a relationship to validate your worthiness while you have low self-esteem and no sense of self awareness is not the way to go. Giving someone else the responsibility to make you feel happy and secure cause you're insecure by yourself and fear being alone is pretty selfish. Defining yourself via your relationship status will lead to unnecessary problems.
Love yourself first. Self awareness is most important. We weren't taught this growing up. It's no wonder people become co-dependent and fall into toxic relationships. This applies to both genders. It's time to unlearn the whole romantic fantasy idea of being in love and empower more self love and emotional intelligence. It's absolutely crucial regardless of being in a relationship or not.
Anyways, if someone is reaching out and admitting they're struggling, most of the time, they just want you to give them a safe space for them to talk and for you to listen without judgement. No need to find a solution right away. It really is that simple.
If you or anyone you know needs help. The following support services are available. Contact:
- Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14
- Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800
- Mens Line Australia on 1300 789 978
- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467
- Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36
- Headspace on 1800 650 890
- Reachout Australia at au.reachout.com
IF IN IMMEDIATE DANGER, DIAL 000
Lots o' Love, Linda
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